Friday, March 6, 2009

I love Buckle jeans, and I am not afraid to say it

If you don't know what I look like, I am 6'3" with 6' legs. I have always hated getting jeans because no brands carry jeans for tall people. "Then just go to a Big & Tall store" people always say. No! I will not. I am not Big & Tall, just Tall, and all their clothing is for old men. So my whole life I have put up with jeans that are wider just so I can get the length I need. It sucks
But one day, about two weeks ago, a girl told me about Buckle. She said "I have the same issue, I have long legs and small upper body, go to Buckle, they carry long jeans". "Pshhh" I said. "No way am I going to be caught dead in some trendy store where the jeans are $200, and the manikins have chiseled v-shaped abs and giant bulges in their capri pants". "They have nice jeans around $70" she said. "Really?" I thought. $70 is still a little spendy for jeans, but I would easily pay that to get good fitting jeans. So then I was curious. $70 isn't that bad considering it is like trading in 2 pairs of bad fitting jeans for one good one. I guess its worth a shot.
So that weekend I went to the local mall in search for the holy Buckle. I brought my roommate with me for backup. As we walked through the mall towards Buckle we passed two stores, Hollister and Ambercrombie. Both of them are basically the same store. Dark, eerie, draped with a thick layer of fragrance that wafts out of the store via heavy bass and high hats. As you look inside, the majority of the stores view is obstructed by a large poster of male twins playing shirtless football. I still have no idea what goes on in that store. No one really knows. There are more rumors about what goes on inside that place than the house of Boo Radley. Gives me chills every time I pass by. Already this is not a good start to my journey. If this Buckle store is anything like Hollister or Ambercrombie, I would be unfortunately unprepared since I forgot my flashlight and gasmask at home.
"There, up ahead..." my roommate pointed his finger. "Buckle"
The mall lights seemed to get dimmer. My stomach went up in my thought. (Not really though, I just want to add more drama to this situation). I thought to myself, "Ok Bryson, this is it. Stay calm. Don't do anything weird. Keep your head down. Don't look at the mannequins bulges, don't look at the womannequins extremely large nipples, and especially don't make eye contact with any of the employees. "
Me and my roommate walked in together. Actually I walked in behind my roommate, because if anything were to go down he would be targeted first and I could sprint away with my long legged stride. But to my surprise nothing happed. We were in. I looked up. I took a breath. The air, it was breathable. The store, it was well light. And there were no mannequins in sight! Lightly playing in the background was a song by Nickelback, certainly dated and over played but still tolerable. On the right, taking up about a quarter of the wall was the jean section. Properly marked, easy to find. There wasn't even a poster above of a couple mid awkward erotic scene. I am starting to like this store. Turns out the store has the jeans to fit. Personally, I am usually forced to wear a size 32x34 which gives me the length but also makes me wrench down on my belt and eventually I have to pull up my pants every 10 minutes. The size I would like to wear is a 30x34, and guess what? This place has them. You can get a 30x34, a 30x36, and even up to a 30x38! I ended up getting a 30x36. They were $56 (Although I recently got the same pair discounted online for $35!).
They fit great! I even had to roll the cuff up to keep them from dragging on the pavement. It is the first time I have ever had to do that with a pair of pants.
So moral of this story (written in an Adobe Flash if/then ActionScript statement)

If (legs._length > 34) {
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